Sony Music: “Hi. My Name Is Bruce. How Can I Help”?

March 30, 2009

hello You’re going to love this one! I just heard that Sony Music has outsourced its T&E. What does that mean? Well if you’re a well-fed Sony exec and you may have submitted a couple of pricy meal expenses, you’re contacted by a call center in India. You’ll then have to explain yourself and justify why that particular expense voucher should be permitted. So some guy (or girl) in Mumbai will be passing judgement on YOUR judgement!

Can you imagine how a call like this would go?

Sony Exec: Hello. I was told to contact you regarding my expense report?

Bruce: Yes. My name is Bruce. I need to find out a little more about a receipt that you submitted.

Sony Exec: And…er…what would that be? And by the way, what was your name again?

Bruce: My name is Bruce. And I was looking at this dinner expense. It says here dinner with Beyonce, Jay-Z and Matthew at Le Cirque. Is that correct?

Sony Exec: Funny, you don’t sound like a “Bruce”. And yes. That is correct.

Bruce: And the dinner bill was 1238.47 US dollars? Is that correct?

Sony Exec: Yes. But that included wine, tax and tip.

Bruce: And who exactly are these people Beyonce, Jay-Z and Matthew?

Sony Exec: Bruce, you mean to tell me that you don’t know who these people are? Beyonce is one of the biggest stars on our record label. Jay-Z is her husband and a major recording artist in his own right and Matthew is Beyonce’s father. I don’t understand what the problem is here.

Bruce: So this Beyonce is like an employee of the company?

Sony Exec: Well, sort of I guess you could say. Except not really.

Bruce: And what is this Le Cirque? And why did it cost so much for a simple dinner?

Sony Exec: Look, Bruce. You have to understand. These are very important people and I have to entertain them in a fashion that they’re accustomed to. And that’s just what dinner at Le Cirque costs. I can’t help that. Besides, who has dinner without a couple of bottles of Margaux? Give me a little slack here.

Bruce: So let me get this straight. You want the company to pay for you, another company employee and her family to have dinner at a cost of over 1200 American dollars?

Sony Exec: That’s including wine, tax and tip.

Bruce: Yes I understand that. But I’m sorry. We cannot buy all of our employees and their families expensive dinners, even with wine, tax and tip. Can you please explain to me why this whole exercise was so essential to the normal course of company business?

Sony Exec: Bruce. Listen. We’re in the entertainment business. That’s what we have to do. And besides, she’s not an employee.

Bruce: I believe that she is. And besides, couldn’t you have just taken them to a charming little local curry house instead? It would have been a much better value, even with wine, tax and tip.

Sony Exec: Look Bruce. This is ridiculous. Let me speak to you supervisor. Not only am I getting nowhere with you but I’m have a very hard time understanding you. You have to speak much slower.

Bruce: Sorry sir, but my supervisor, Marty, is not available. He’s helping a customer with an old root-kit issue from a Celine Dion CD at the moment.

Sony Exec: I don’t fucking believe this!!! What is with you asshole?

Bruce: Sorry sir. But I cannot tolerate such abusive language.

Click.