Mystery Solved!

Well, surprisingly it didn’t take that long to identify our latest mystery man. An anonymous reader said that it is Elio Sceti, CEO of EMI Music Group. Many readers were so pissed off that Anonymous posted the correct answer that they wanted me to ban him from the site! Not that I could or would anyway.

Mr Sceti has been CEO of EMI for nearly a year now.  According to The Times of London, he came “from Reckitt Benckiser, the consumer products giant behind brands such as Cillit Bang, Veet hair remover and Finish dishwasher tablets.“ And let’s not forget about Clearasil, another one of Reckitt Benckiser’s fine brands.

Elio’s tenure at EMI has been highlighted most recently by the remastering of the Beatles catalog (this should be interesting since everybody has the Beatles catalog already in every possible format. And besides, who gives a shit.) and the propitiously timely announcement of the EMI Lottery (showcasing the mind of a soap powder marketer) on April Fool’s Day. And it wasn’t a joke. Many UK managers with acts on EMI are waiting to see if their artists will be used as prize meat for the EMI Lottery. Wouldn’t you just love to be a fly on the wall when Chris Martin finds out that Coldplay condoms will be given out to EMI Lottery winners as consolation prizes? And, let’s not forget, the fabulous launch of the Web 2.0 consumer EMI.com site where a fan can make, listen to and share playlists of 30 second audio clips of EMI artists.

I know. I know. You’re gonna say “Well, what about Katy Perry, you asshole?” Fair question. If I’m not mistaken, Katy was signed to Sony and dropped. Jason Flom, CEO of Capital Records, signed her, made the record and was promptly fired. And of course you’re going to remind me that Coldplay had a huge hit. True. But according to the grapevine they only delivered the record on the condition that all marketing be out of EMI’s hands and the band would have full control. EMI was reportedly only allowed to distribute the album.

My sources tell me that very few people know who Elio is, much less have met him. Even some executives based in EMI London say they have never met him! However another friend of mine told me that he briefly bumped into Elio in an elevator at EMI and that he was a very pleasant guy. I choose to believe the latter. He certainly looks like a nice enough fellow.

“Peace and love. Peace and love”.

Ringo Starr, upon telling his fans not to send him anymore shit to be autographed.